Magnetic Goodness

I’m starting this post with three stories:

Here’s the first.
Years ago I had a hard conversation with a friend at the time. She had been distant, so I summoned up my courage and asked if our friendship was ok. The floodgates opened and she responded with a laundry list of ‘offenses’ I had committed over the last few months. Although it was a humbling opportunity to be reminded to watch how my words are received, I was most hurt by the length of the list. It told me she put genuine attention into cataloging my flaws. Rather than address it with me, she complied them until they exploded into a shame-filled awkward conversation.

My mom used to tell me to keep a twenty in my purse. She had read that luck attracts luck, good fortune attracts good fortune, and wealth attracts wealth. Truth be told, I am the worst at carrying cash, but I always think of that as metaphor when I do have cash on hand and hope it magically multiplies in my wallet.

Lastly, I read a post from a behavior educators page on Facebook last week. A teacher was planning to catalogue every negative behavior and movement of her students. She plotted to take extreme care to list every finger and toe out of line in order to gather more data on how to solve the negative behaviors. I too have a goal of gathering more data this year in order to figure out what that behavior is trying to communicate, but all I could think of was one question: If I’m constantly looking for negative behavior, does it become my focus? Sometimes, although well-intentioned, what we focus on increases. If I am noticing only the mistakes and aggressions these children (especially those from hard places) are making, then that list will inevitably grow.

As many educators have learned, when you call students out for the things they do right, we end up encouraging and noticing the positive behavior. I’m not suggesting we ignore the opportunities to correct a problem behavior, but I think I’d like to focus first on what’s right and beautiful about the students we work with.

In full honesty, I had a rough August. Nothing major, but I let myself internally complain about the tasks around the house, the pressures of the kids, and general annoyances about my family. The only thing I achieved was a constantly stressed attitude and a negative mental health outlook.
It’s time to shift.

Yesterday afternoon I gave in to the fall vibes and bought my first pumpkin spice latte of the season. Then I splurged and bought one of our favorite red zinfandels from a well-liked Sonoma County vineyard. I took a break from the Saturday laundry factory and allowed a moment to read on the deck. I intentionally spent the day searching for the good and relishing in it.

I know I’ve written about gratitude and blessings before. But it’s clear to me that I need constant reminders to choose the silver lining as my focus. To smile at dear friends’ conversations, and buy the favorite wine.

I find myself desperate for a life of magnetic happiness. Chasing the good and wonderful and treasured. Later I’ll finish the laundry train and get ready for the week. But I might also stop and get a twenty for my purse. Because you just never know….

Cheers to searching for the good.

*** Education friends: I recently finished Hacking School Discipline. And although there were a few suggestions that were geared more towards high school, I thought it was a great read for schools who are looking to imbed more restorative discipline. An emphasis on teaching behaviors rather than assigning arbitrary consequences and demanding compliance out of fear.