We recently traveled as a family to Florida. Four days of volleyball nationals in Orlando, followed by three days at the beach in Sand Key near Clearwater. It was the perfect culmination to a fun but stressful end to my daughter’s club volleyball season. (November to June for the record!)
We spent a lot of time at the pool and beach, overestimating the capacity of standard sunscreen on our Minnesota skin. On the last morning, I sat with my son Auggie digging in the sand. Sweet boy wanted to create a “Throne for God” so we leveled off the soft white powder to form a platform and chair. Auggie stopped mid-scoop and said, “I love you mom.” As I was about to reply the same, he added, “…and the Tesla.”
Granted, when we bought a Tesla a month ago it was an eight-year-old boy’s dream car. Lots of tricks and toys, it can “drive itself”, and the turn signal noises can be changed to a fart sound. (Insert peals of laughter from the backseat for a week straight.) I wasn’t offended to share his sentiments with the new car… in fact it warmed my heart to be added to the ranks of his current favorite obsessions.
But it did get me thinking about where we place our value. Who and what is in our inner circle…making the priority cut for the day. Most of us would say family first, but what next? Job…pets…health…physical fitness? And although we like to think we can do it all, the truth is- for our sanity- we can’t prioritize it all. I realized this recently by discovering why I am so anxious in crowds; I am always trying to survey the entire scene. Take for example walking through a convention center where over 150 volleyball courts are being used; inhabited not only by players, coaches and refs, but all the friends and family that accompany them. As I walked through the crowded passways in between courts I am constantly trying to see it all; Do I know any of those teams and parents? That boy is crying… is he lost? Is anyone hurt? That guy kinda looks like Santa… Why is she wearing a prom dress at a volleyball game?…
It’s no wonder I become easily overstimulated and end up snapping at people. What should I be prioritizing? How about…
Which court am I going to?
Does my athlete and family need anything?
Where can I sit and watch?
Rather than aim to “save” the whole convention center, I would be so much better off expending energy and brain capacity on my core people. It brings to mind a shirt I see advertised on social media a lot. It says “I like dogs and maybe three people”. And while I certainly like more than three people out there, it’s a humorous nod to the human practice of simplifying. Of focusing on the ones that need you most right now, and what is most important in each present moment.
This isn’t to say we can’t plan ahead or set goals or expand our friendship count, but more a reminder that we are at our best when we do one thing at a time well. In this start to summer I feel this deeply. I always begin my “three months off” with a lofty goal of cleaning, organizing, doing learning and field trips with my kids and reading all the books I said I was going to currently piled under my nightstand. In reality…looking at this summer goal list has the opposite effect of organization. It leaves me in cold sweats, heart pounding, overwhelmed at all of the things I need to do and could do and should do.
Years ago, I heard an acronym to use to prioritize your day: PIES. PIES means to do something in each of the four categories every day; Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, Spiritual. Thinking about just those four things lessens the cold sweats and helps me feel like I’ve accomplished something despite my giant goals. I can fit something from my lofty summer list into those four areas, carving out time with family members as well.
While driving in rush hour yesterday, I was alerted to a loud beeping while the steering wheel turned slightly in my grip. Apparently I had moved a bit close to the outside line of my lane and Tesla had employed a safety correction on my behalf. I chuckled and thought, well what do you know… it turns out the Tesla loves us too.
***Since summer is my fiction and fun era, I am soaking in every narrative I can find. And while I realize I’m about four years late to the party, I finally read Educated by Tara Westover. I was mesmerized by her unorthodox journey to the intellectual life. It was reminiscent of another past favorite memoir- Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls. Educated reminded me of how enjoyable memoir is and the artful craft of painting a memory so vividly. An excellent read.
Teaching the Good Stuff 