When my high school daughter was little she loved going to Cherry Berry. (Ok, she still does, but it was on another level of joy at five years old.) I can still picture her in deep contemplation, standing in front of the tall metal levers- debating over which frozen yogurt flavor to unleash in twisty strands. Inevitably, she ended up with a hodge-podge of a masterpiece in a small cardboard bowl; half cookies and cream, half mango and don’t even get me started on the toppings. A dash of chocolate chips, a smattering of nerds candy, definitely some gummy bears and topped with a generous dusting of sprinkles.
I watched her lips turn candy colors as she bounced excitedly in place on the vinyl couch in the lobby, stirring her concoction into a lovely puce brown. “How does that taste?”, I asked, my face scrunching up in disgust, assuming she would learn the hard way the art of embracing like flavors. “Delicious”, she’d announce, continuing to bounce and giggle, swinging her feet and scooping.
My daughter’s philosophy on Cherry Berry frozen yogurt seems like a metaphor for embracing life’s best parts, and mixing them into something that is real and true and honest. When life is full of so many choices, why must we chose one or the other?
~I adore a bold, red zinfandel…but nothing beats a chilled glass of sauvignon blanc in the summer.
~I’d delight in a dog to go on runs with- protecting me from creepers and the occasional rouge paper bag, but curling up with a cat in my lap is my favorite way to end a day.
~I love my Catholic church community, but sometimes I push back on mandates from the Vatican that don’t embrace loving people entirely.
Can I be loving and firm at the same time? Yes! Such is the ultimate dichotomy of parenting. Comforting my child but holding firm to the denial of the second brownie before bed, despite the tears.
Do I have a heart for both public school and private school? Without a doubt. The structure and support the public schools have battled for and the infusion of prayer in my child’s day are both things I’m thankful for.
And to my fellow educators: Can we follow multiple systems like PBIS and Developmental Designs? Absolutely. Why not take the best from each and make a plan for students that we feel good about sharing? Let’s fill in the gaps with other programs that carry nuggets of wisdom. I’ve seen so many miserable schools be forced to adopt a curriculum that is 70% good and 30% crap (or more). They are then required to teach to the letter- forcing teachers to plan lessons that don’t align with what they know kids need to succeed.
We live in a society that wants to define everyone. As if attaching a category to each person will help us rationalize where we stand in all of it. But the truth is- no one can be defined entirely by one category. The nature of the human condition is that we are each our own type of uniqueness- our experiences and memories shaping our preferences and decisions.
In embracing the cohesion, I hope to also pause the assumptions. To remind ourselves labels aren’t always fully encompassing of the beautiful soul hidden beneath a whole lot of “identifying factors”. And maybe taking a stand on something means saying, “I will decide in that particular situation what is best.”
So here’s to those living what is true and honoring their values. Blend the programs! Mix the systems!
Put the damn chocolate chips and Nerds candy in the same bowl and stir hard.
And for the record, my daughter read the intro to this and smiled… “I’d still eat that.”
***I’m currently in the midst of Life in Five Senses by Gretchen Rubin (you may have read her bestseller, The Happiness Project). Recently featured on Jen Hatmaker’s podcast “For the Love”, Life in Five Senses has me really rethinking my day. It’s scary how routine-driven we get…powering through and not noticing most of what passes by. I love her writing, and am trying my best to take her advice to heart. Pulling in our senses forces us to be more present with our crew. Sadly, this week I attended a funeral of a former student. Seeing this gut-wrenching loss through the eyes of her parents makes me want to soak up every minute with my children. To watch their faces while they play; the way Auggie sings joyfully off-key along with tv commercials, and how Charly always says “love you” before she jumps out of the car to go to all the places. Gretchen Rubin has written a beautiful tribute to experiencing life.
Teaching the Good Stuff 