Unwavering

I am in a season of auto pilot.
Drive the kids, order groceries, make dinner, go to work, maybe sneak in a run or a workout. Repeat. We joke that we are day-by-day, planning the next day of coparenting and codriving. On top of that, this is the second weekend in a row, by sheer bad timing, that I’ve been running the Wangen show on my own.

So this morning, I made it a point to get to church. Having missed last weekend, I needed to ward off the Catholic guilt that inevitably creeps into the default weekend setting. Towards the end of mass, I turned the page in the worship guide to find the penultimate hymn entitled with one simple word; Unwavering.

And to my absolute surprise, I had a physical reaction to that word. My stomach dropped, and I felt a rush from head to toe. Tears beaded the corners of my eyes as I felt the trusting fullness of that one word.

Unwavering.

It’s what I hope my faith is.
It’s what kind of mother and wife I aim to be.
It’s how I plan to be as a support teacher,
and a trusted friend,
and a fellow human

But it’s also what we ask for from others.
What we ask from family and God and our own support crew.

I’ve always been inspired and sparked by words. I’m often blown away that one, or two words together can encapsulate everything you are trying to say. Often I will be stunted while writing; the perfect word shimmering just out of reach below the surface. Something I can feel and describe, but not name.

But here it was- unwavering. The inspiration and antidote I didn’t know I needed.

This afternoon I stood on the 89 degree (rare for October 1st in Minnesota!) driveway. Hot air blew through my hair as I watched Auggie scooter around and play. And for the first time in a long time I felt a bit more grounded; roused to be unwavering in my love for my family. Unwavering in my belief in what’s right for students. Veering off course just enough to dip a toe in exhilaration or beauty. Holding back the mundane just long enough to be exactly that: brilliantly unwavering. And unwavering in the quest to shake off the auto-pilot and gravitate towards fully showing up for life.

*** In the vein of unwavering transparency (see what I did there…) I have to admit- I did not finish this book yet. However, it’s one of those books that I’m savoring as I make my way through. An appreciation for poetry snuck up on me and allowed for the relish of everyday. There’s a reason Amanda Gorman has wildly exploded into popular culture. Recommended for all who love the perfect word choice. I’m so excited to keep reading Call Us What We Carry. ***