Exhausted and Thankful

Well, I knew it.
Without the luxury of space and time, the writing falls to the wayside.

These days the question I’m asked most frequently (besides, ‘where is Charly going to high school?’) is ‘how is your new position‘? My usual response is ‘busy’. Often followed by elaborations of ‘eye-opening’ and ‘the needs out there are huge.’

And as much as I’d love to expand in a sentimental word-filled homage, I simply don’t have the creative capacity. But there are certain gems left shining after the dust cloud clears at the end of the day that I don’t want to forget…

First and third grade are heavenly. Having taught fourth forever, I adored (and still do) that age. BUT… now working with all grades the past month, I am struck by the delight of certain developmental ages. I watched first graders run our school’s “Fun Run” fundraiser and I smiled the whole time- friends holding hands while running, dancing without a care…pure joy. And third… they are just starting to feel out understanding how life works. They wear their hearts on their sleeves and have yet to put filters up on their emotions, such a wonderful cross-section of early childhood and adolescence.

Purpose is everything. Even though I am so thankful for the learning and training I got last year on sabbatical, it is so refreshing to feel a sense of purpose. Although the jury is still out on whether I’ve deemed my new position indispensable, having a greater role beyond the domestic and maternal one has proven essential to my mental health and happiness. Kids need that purpose too. To feel important to the community- real and worthy of connection.

BYODJ (Bring Your Own Darn Joy). In every moment, I could choose the flaws. To let the heaviness of all the tough things choke out the light and hope. In these moments, a dear friend and I have taken to saying BYODJ as a reminder to choose that joy. To wear the sparkly pants that make our hearts smile, to have the 1:30 pm cup of coffee, and smile every morning at the kids who don’t want to be at school and say, “I’m glad you’re here”…and mean it. In a post earlier this fall I declared my decision to no longer be reliant on other people and events to make me happy. Best decision ever.

So while I might be creatively (and physically) exhausted, I am currently beyond thankful for the treasured side-effects of that exhaustion.

*** Working full time has certainly not lent itself to the voracious book-a-week habits as last year, but I am soaking in every word of this one. Expecting nothing less from the great Brene Brown, Atlas of the Heart is so timely for where I am at right now. She defines human emotion and behavior, making her readers want to be a better part of society.