Jekyll and Hyde

I joked with my neighbors on Saturday night that the past week felt very much like a Jekyll and Hyde situation. Making the change from full time teacher to stay at home mom/researcher came to full reality throughout last several days.

On good moments I sat on my lovely deck, pouring over webinars and books I never get time to read. The counters were clean, dinner was prepped, and I read every back-to-school letter and detail. (Sidebar: I’m not sure how people work full time with more than one kid in school. It’s ALMOST a full-time job in itself.) In those good moments I took deep breaths and thanked God for being fortunate enough to have this opportunity this year.

And then the panic crept in. For twenty years I have been a full-time employee.  A contributing member to society (as a teacher, I’d like to say an important member), with my own income to show for it. Although I am earmarked as ‘on leave’, I am still receiving all staff communication from my school;  updates about new arrival and dismissal procedures and when to turn in my teacher goal form. In those panic moments, the FOMO is strong. Thoughts like, “I should be there” and “I am missing out on all the dear siblings of the students I’ve had in the past” swarm through my head daily. 

But with all things, and with time, I know a rhythm will ensue. I’ll find my groove, and my new purpose this year. To repeat the understatement of the year, change is hard. (And consequently so are Mondays… as I watched a teacher peel my kindergartener’s tiny fingers off the car door frame at drop off. Thanks, Profe O’ Connor…we owe you one. )

I’m praying this week will be a little more Jekyll than Hyde.

***

This week I just finished the book Yes We Can; General and Special Educators Collaborating in a Professional Learning Community.  And although some pages came through like a stereo instructional manual for PLC’s, it was an important read and I had three main takeaways:

#1- General Education and Special Education CANNOT be separate silos. Yes- all educators have a giant list of things to do, but when these are separate programs, the child loses. Every time. Make time to collaborate. 

#2- The book emphasizes that Special Ed students should be part of small group learning with their classroom peers. This should not be pull out time for SPED services. 

#3 Special education teachers are super angel GENIUSES in human bodies, and I continue to be in awe of them.